Fudged!

The Ragazza and I took lunch at The Ashmolean yesterday.
When I returned to England after my two years in France I was so excited at the prospect of revisiting some of my, our, favourite haunts.
Alas The Oxford Story closed for the lack of funds to refurbish it so there would be no more happy hours spent sitting at a wooden desk. listening to the commentary in French or Italian...
The Ashmolean was closed during renovations...
A few other familiar family favourites had changed beyond recognition...

The Past sometimes disappears behind us as surely as our footsteps on the beach when the tide comes in

But yesterday I took my daughter to the new Ashmolean and we began, as ever, with lunch in the cafe downstairs

It used to be a quite quiet little spot
The food used to be interesting and tasty
The ambience relaxing and pleasant

Not so now
It is crowded, the quirky catering and tasty meals have been replaced by dull baguettes and odd salads and the few hot meals that are on offer are unappetising

Yesterday I chose a bowl of soup, bread and butter...
The soup was lukewarm and too heavy-handed in the cumin department and the butter didn't stretch to cover the two slices of bread
My latte had a nasty after-taste of rubber
But the biggest disappointment was the chocolate fudge cake
It was so dry it formed nasty doughy clumps in my mouth
That was not a fudge cake, not a patch on the one that I used to make to comfort me after an encounter with the famous French fonctionnaires

We sat at a cheap little table at the far end of the cafe
The table had not been cleared, the cutlery that should sit in a pot ready for the diners was missing, the temperature was cold...
It was not an uplifting experience

If I were French I would have complained
I'm not French, I am English and so I sat miserably chewing on my fudge cake, sipping my latte, my coat around my knees and my mood turning as stale as the cake

Much as I love the exhibits, those that have been finished, at The Ashmolean I really missed the cafe as it was a few years ago

experimenting

It was a conversation with The Ragazzo that set me thinking
"I always wake up feeling depressed"
Yes, my son, so do I....

The question is Why?
And I began to wonder if it isn't connected to low blood-sugar
I have always been prone to problems with blood sugar
I suffered years of infertility that is now being treated with insulin-controlling medications in women suffering similar symptoms
When I was pregnant with The Ragazzo I had pregnancy diabetes and he almost died in the womb as a result, I am convinced, of my blood-sugar dips
Blood sugar highs and lows are responsible for a great many diseases

So I told him, eat a bowl of oats and a banana for supper and one for breakfast
Do not go to bed on an empty stomach
Keep eating sensibly all day
Avoid alcohol and chocolate
and too much stress

Wise words?
Or old wives advice?
We shall see
Because of course now I need to practice that which I preach

And it occurs to me that perhaps there is a good reason why I was so captivated by the Krebs Cycle as a teenager, perhaps someone was handing out clues that it has taken me so many years to recognise. D'oh!
But why, I ask myself, am I so obsessed with snow?
Perhaps that, too, will become clear in time?

tempting the tastebuds

I haven't really eaten much for days, weeks...
I can't recall the last meal that I cooked for myself
Aside from feeling nauseous and tired, it's not much fun cooking for one, I much prefer to host dinners for a dozen around a table in France

But it occurs to me that my recent mood dips (not swings, it's all downward) are not helped by this semi-fasting and I suspect that my low blood sugar is responsible for some of the nocturnal nasties that have recently beset me so...

Not a different dinner, just an old favourite
Steak in my very peppery peppercorn sauce, potato dauphinoise and broccoli
and, if I make it to the end of the first course, I have a rich chocolate pudding from Waitrose to follow.

Healthwise?
My GP says that I am severely anaemic, hence the red meat and brocoli
the potato dish contains Gruyere and that reminds me of home
and who can say no to chocolate which is reputed to help lift the mood?

Now to summon the energy to start cooking!

PS As a treat there is Molière on BBC iPlayer
I adore Molière

He is another of my heroes and one of the reasons why I chose to start learning French all those years ago was to be able to read his works

off the grid, off the wall

It's warm today, positively balmy. But still cold enough for the snow to remain. I suspect this means another fall of fresh snow tomorrow and if that arrives tonight, when the neighbours are safely tucked up in bed and I can safely do so unseen, I may even be tempted to slip outside and roll in the snow with the dogs!

But the country is suffering...
Tales of dwindling gas supplies
No salt or grit for the roads
People dying of the cold
We are singularly unprepared for the vagaries of the ever-changing climate and that is a big mistake because in years to come this is the kind of weather we should expect.

I would love to be able to live off the grid
Self-sufficient and independent
Cosy in a little eco-cabin in the woods
Me, the dogs and cats and maybe a pet reindeer or two

You'd think that in these days of modern technology and instant internet access that should be possible, wouldn't you?
If there is one benefit of the online community it should be the ability to live anywhere in the world and still earn a living
Well, my company has finally allowed me access to the systems from home so that if I am snowed-in next week I can still work
Perhaps that's the first step towards my goal?

On verra...

Meanwhile I have a day of chores, of feeding the birds, brushing the dogs and, due to a lack of wool for crocheting snowflake afghans,

coming to the rescue...

As I was leaving the office this evening I encountered a man
A very nervous man
A very nervous man standing staring at a car
A very nervous man standing staring at a car in the snow

I smiled and was about to walk past when he stopped me
"Are you going to drive home?"
"Yes, that's my car" I said pointing to my little French car parked nearby
"Aren't you scared?" he asked
"No, why, are you?"
"I can't get my car out of the snow" he said sadly
"Would you like me to try for you?" I offered bravely
"Oh yes please!" and then he added "If you think you can safely"

No problem
I leapt into this car
Stuck it into second gear and pulled out with a flourish

The nervous man was amazed
"I couldn't do that, it kept getting stuck" he said sadly
"Ah well, pull away in second gear, don't brake too hard and just keep going straight...
and if you skid do not brake, steer into it and let the car get it's grip again"

I did think of offering him a lift home but that could have involved a major detour so I just offered to follow him into town to make sure he was ok
Do you know, he must have slammed his brakes on at least half a dozen times before we'd even left the car park!
I really hope he didn't have a long journey ahead

perking up

Well, I survived Christmas dinner and even managed to eat some of the meal that I had to cook after returning home from my day at work, a rather late dinner and one that I vowed never to repeat, nor more working on Christmas Day for me, ever!

Now that the side-effects of the medication are wearing off and I am starting to feel better I plan to return to my Different Dinner A Day on New Year's Day.
Another day during which I will be working but since working hard is second-nature and I will not be celebrating the evening before then it doesn't seem such a bad prospect

I'm going to have to make the dinners healthy, tasty and quite cheap
My finances are almost as sick as my body
But that's a challenge, isn't it?
And one that will stand me in good stead in the years to come

So, lots of fish, chicken, pulses and vegetables are on the menu
and more exercise, rest and, above all, fun
There will be a little more surgery next year and then a period of recovery
My poor body has been so battered recently it needs some real tlc

But who knows, maybe by the end of 2010 I will be fit enough to plan that longed-for husky safari in Lapland
and perhaps a couple of cyber-pals will join me
What do you think?
Does it sound like fun

Pause

My new medication is causing me some problems
Mostly nausea and a loss of appetite

This is a new experience for me, this filling my body with chemicals, I like to lead as organic and free-range an existence as possible, and I am in awe and in fear of the drugs
Besides which, I've never really had much faith in modern medicine and tend to question my poor doctor's advice on every visit, which must be tiresome for him

I would really like to escape to a holistic retreat for a year
To heal myself, physically and mentally
But needs must, I am in the National Health System and must follow its directions
and no, I am not surfing cyberspace for cures because, believe me, the amount of junk out there is really astounding, trust me, I have to wade through it often

So, for now, the kitchen is out of bounds and I am surviving on milk and bananas
and ginger biscuits...

Hey, it's not so bad...
I don't have any dishes to wash!